marcusharwell.net » reflection

Mountains Burning in the Station Fire

Marcus — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 07:13:35 +0000

I’ve been posting whiny Facebook statuses regarding the Station Fire, but as it grows, and starts to claim lives, I’m leaving off the witty remarks in favor of stunned reverence. We could see flames on nearby ridges Friday night when the Atwater street party was happening.

I snapped a picture on Saturday on my way back from The Valley, when it was already getting unbelievably big.

Yesterday it was just a massive wash of gray smoke, punctuated by undulating white billows that rose up like the mountains had been bombed. I woke up smelling smoke the last four or five mornings, and reports are that the fire will rage for several more days. Firefighters have died in the attempt to contain it. In some ways, it’s a bit how I used to picture the end of the world, where we all numbly continue our daily routines and watch the conflagration grow closer.

But there will be renewal. The Griffith Park fire blackened the hills nearby and made the view rather bleak for a while, but vegetation is starting to grow again. The Angeles forest will follow in the same way. We get used to the fast pace of city life, where billboards change monthly and new skyscrapers spring up every year. But, putting things in perspective, taking the long view, this fire will encourage new growth, and, okay, it will take a few years for it to take hold enough to be noticeable, but a new start is only possible when the dense, dry, dead underbrush is cleared away.

Nothing’s Happening

Marcus — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 05:56:19 +0000

I’ve had no auditions since wrapping the short film. My intuition tells me I’m doing something wrong, and should fix it. But intuition isn’t always right, and it’s likely just a random break, for no reason. My headshots are the same, my resume has one more credit on it, and submissions are still being sent. Such is the way of the film industry, I’m told.

Time for a surf, I’d say.

Powerless

Marcus — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 07:25:35 +0000

The electricity went out today at 3:00 pm. And it didn’t just go out all at once, it flickered out, like a dying candle flame. Then it kept threatening to come back, trickling into all our appliances, making the microwave chirp frantically, causing the TV’s “on” light to blink morse code, sending the bathroom light into a parody of music video fluorescence.

Then it went off completely.

It was only a few hours until they got it working again, but it was raining today, and that robbed us of late sunlight. And, as it grew darker, and I tried to read by candlelight, I thought of how much I would miss it if it were gone for good. Electricity, I mean. No more internet, no more Cartoon Network, no way to charge my iPhone. I could live without all these things easily, and without a doubt, happily. But I love having them in my life now.

Edison, Steinmetz, Faraday, Tesla, thank you.

Obama and I Remake the Country

Marcus — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 07:00:36 +0000

Although, my remaking is on a much smaller scale. Also, I’m already done.

I get a sense of accomplishment, and to know that what I planted will grow for a long time and be enjoyed by the people who own and visit the area. The new president has no such luxury. He faces enormous tasks, and shoulders unfathomable responsibility. I’m glad he believes he’s up to the task. But I will try to be understanding if he fails, or at least fails to reach the far off goals he’s set for himself and his administration.

For my part, I believe we will both faithfully execute our obligations this year. To the best of our abilities.

Hanging With Your Parents

Marcus — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 06:46:39 +0000

I know most people aren’t down with the idea of hanging out with their folks. But I kind of like it. We stayed an extra three days in Vegas (well, Vegas-adjacent) just to spend some quality goof-off time. My parents are pretty great, and always have been. They support my dreams and my creativity, they encourage me, and they’re there when I need them. I regretted that my final breakfast was my last meal for a while there. Which, I suppose, is how you should always leave someone else’s house as a guest.

Getting My Hands Dirty

Marcus — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 06:54:00 +0000

I’m temporarily engaged in manual labor. It’s an interesting return. My delicate fingers are getting filthy with soil.

Maybe they aren’t quite so delicate, after all. But I have been getting some nice landscaping done, even as the freezing winds of Granada Hills blow straight up the back of my shirt and make me think of Admiral Byrd.

Not that I miss this, but every once in a while, it’s good to do something physical for your money. I expect my karmic bank account to increase a bit for this, if it exists.

OJ = Karma?

Marcus — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 05:14:26 +0000

I don’t belive in karma, let’s be clear. Horrible people go to their graves having perpetrated awful crimes, and they are never held to account for it, nor suffer proportionate retribution. Wonderful, magnanimous people spend their lives digging themselves out of holes that they have not dug (story of Job, you Judeo-Christians out there?). I think it’s impossible for everyone to track their rights and wrongs to the degree that would prove it. I think life, along with being influenced by our daily choices, has a lot of chaos and randomness to it that we have the urge to make sense of.

I had a stepbrother at one time (one day I’ll post the wacky details of my various stepdads) who was one of the unluckiest people I’ve ever met. He seemed to suffer indignities and travails with amazing regularity. I thought he was a bit of an asshole to me, most of the time, but felt sorry for him that some small thing in his life went wrong so often. Those problems were far out of proportion to anything he ever did to me, or that I ever heard about. If karma exists, it seems to me that some of us are picking up the slack for other jerks in the world who are getting away with murder.

But sometimes, ah, sometimes it just seems so real I can’t help but wonder for the moment.

OJ Simpson was sentenced to prison today. Is this Universal payback? Stupidity and arrogance on his part? Karma? Today, for a bit, I was open to the possibility.

Twirling in the Fog

Marcus — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 07:12:40 +0000

It started rolling in this evening, obscuring the conjunction of the Moon, Venus, & Jupiter, and making everything look flat and close, like a movie set.

It’s spooky to be out in the mist at night, where sound is muffled and you feel like anything — anything at all — could come out of it. Most likely, it would have been a drunk teenager in his spoilered and bestickered Honda while I stood in the street taking pictures. iPhone, I love you, but I curse your crappy photos.

But I was also ordered to enjoy my mobility by Dennis, who is currently bereft of his. So I did as ordered.

Sick Day, Sort Of

Marcus — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 07:11:28 +0000

I saw through a fog most of the day. There was nausea, but it seemed as if it was inside my head more than my stomach. I’m not sure what caused it. The problem is, when you work for yourself (or are unemployed; sometimes the essence of both is the same, except if you’re collecting unemployment, then those regular checks are like manna from heaven) there’s no satisfaction in staying in bed. I never called in sick to my last job

but one of the great joys in life is to have sick days set aside, paid, and to use them when you’re feeling off. It sucks to go to work sick. Even better to use those pre-paid days to do something fun, but sometimes, if you’re not actively puking up your guts or in terrible pain, a day in bed on the clock is damned satisfying.

But, today, I had no one to call, and no benefit to doing nothing. So, I did what Mom always said to do when we tried to stay home from school with a light malady: go in, start the day, and if it gets worse, you can come home. I started to feel better in the late afternoon. You win, Mom.

The Good Stuff

Marcus — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 19:42:09 +0000

So much to be thankful for. That I’m not allergic to alcohol is primary right now.

I am glad I can have a few drinks with friends and not go overboard. To be able to share good times with good people makes life worth living. Still, it’s all about communication. If you have an open channel to the people closest to you, you can keep it all in balance. It’s not always easy to stay true to oneself and accommodate friends, family, and spouse. But I’m finding out, over the years, that experience counts for something. We get better at negotiating the treacherous paths of our relationships, and better at empathizing with others.

Balance, communication, and the occasional Happy Hour, components to a well-rounded life.