Celebrity Dream: Ashton Kutcher Gets Grabby
I was checking my iPhone a lot in the dream, since email kept coming in and pinging me. Ashton Kutcher was around, for some reason, and a bit of a motivational maven, a low-grade Tony Robbins. I was in a big bedroom, I don’t know whose, but possibly it was Demi’s. Ashton grabbed my phone and watched the emails pile up for a bit, all the while lecturing me on the time I was wasting with them. They were all either from someone named “Serendipity,” or they had that subject in common, I can’t remember. I do remember being scared he would read them, as if there were something within that would make him, and everyone else, angrier.
He said, “look, you need to get over this, you can have it back later.” And then he tossed my beloved iPhone on a shelf in a tall wardrobe and shut the door. Ashton and the two or three others who were there left the room, and on his way out he said, “try and get some sleep, dude.”
I lay down on the bed, but couldn’t sleep, as there was a Blackberry phone under the pillow that kept pinging and ringing and buzzing with activity. I tried to figure out how to shut it off, but there were about fifty buttons around the outside edge, and the screen was a morass of scrolling tickers, flashing words, and complicated charts.
Then I woke up.
Into another dream, where I was trying to sneak into some rich bastard’s house with a team of friends (who I don’t know in real life). I started telling them about the dream I had, and one guy said, “Ashton Kutcher? Wanted your phone?”
“Ashton Kutcher stole … no, actually, he confiscated my phone!” I said.
They were shocked. Then the dream became a mystery-thriller, where I found a way through the secret room in the back, and the black girl who was part of the team had me help her load strange equipment into her hatchback. After that, there were four of us inside the house when the rich guy came home and wanted to know what we were all doing there. But he wasn’t too upset, he had us gather in the living room to give us an art tour of his home. It gets fuzzy after that, I think the dog ran in and woke us up.
Ashton. Don’t be a dick in my dreams. It’s not like you aren’t attached to your phone.
Ah, I can’t stay mad at that face.
